Flip Flop Hooray

In honor of our annual company outing on the lake tomorrow, I thought I'd throw a nice summer, summer, summertime post up here, in case anyone still checks in. (For those of you who aren't aware, no, I don't swim. Yes, I will be wearing a lifejacket. Thanks for asking.)

Many moons ago, I posted a comment on Shane's blog about flip flops. It caused quite the little commotion, as I recall. Honestly, I had even given it partial credit for his doing away with the Aeropagus, or whatever he called it. I'm sure he'd just say something about him having to edit himself, or some kind of crap like that. Whatever. The post on his site was focused mostly on how the aforementioned footwear appears to have taken the place of dress shoes throughout much of our society.

Well, now I wanted to touch on a few of the problems (for lack of a better word) I actually notice in the lovely sandals themselves, as well as the wearers thereof. In order to make this concise, honest, and somewhat meaningful to a reader, I'll lay down some pointers or guidelines if one is so inclined to don a pair of flip flops (or thongs, or beachcombers, if you will). For the record, these are more for the ladies, as I don't look at dudes' feet nor do I care what they look like in flip flops. So, let's begin.

1. The first rule of flip flops is you will peel the little clear size sticker off the side.

2. The second rule of flip flops is you will peel the little clear size sticker off the side.

3. The third rule of flip flops is, if necessary, break out the foot file, cracked heel relief cream, or both, prior to wearing.

4. The fourth rule of flip flops is they do not have to match your shirt or pants or shorts or underwear.

5. The fifth rule of flip flops is if they are fuzzy, they belong under or beside your bed - not in the checkout at Wal Mart. (The same can be said for your Sugar Daddy pajama bottoms.)

6. The sixth rule of flip flops is you decide - toenail polish or not. No more of this chipping off, looks like you're 8 years old crap. (Unless, of course, you're 8 years old. Then, carry on.)

7. The seventh rule of flip flops is that they can and do occasionally need to be thrown away.

8. And the eighth and final rule of flip flops is if you could stub your toe while wearing them, (i.e. your toe or toes hang off the front,) get a different size or wear something else. If you're wearing a pair and walk into a chair leg, box, wall, etc., the worst thing you should feel is the between-the-toes-wedgie. Not a stubbed toe.